that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
