the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
