I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
