Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
