I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
