Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
