ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
