I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
