What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this just has baby written all over it
no you cant smoke seaweed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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