Having a random hookup so left but love u
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
