Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
