So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
