Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want to fling myself into the sun
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
