I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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