I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
