So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
