wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
