He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
