I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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