Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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