Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
