did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
