yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
