A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
worst night to have a conscience
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
