let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
