now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
