I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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