i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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