You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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