his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
