I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His nipple licking is glorious
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