seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
