awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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