this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
