that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
