That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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