So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
