I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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