At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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