Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
