p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
