Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
