girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
