(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
