now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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