she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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