She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
