dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
