You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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