And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
