Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
